Madness

16/07/09 - there's no more Dan and Diy.

At the end of June a few weeks ago, I made a mistake that ruined my entire life.

On that weekend, I wrote this entry below:

this is for me to remember what i did this past week and the consequences of my words and actions that were thoughtlessly and cruelly inflicted upon the one person who i truly love besides my family. everything happened because i have not been a good girlfriend to you. i was not understanding, i was demanding, i was mean, i was everything that you never wanted me to be. i drove you away, i know this. i felt insecure at first because i thought i was losing you to your job and your busy work schedule and it was wrong of me to blatantly force you to love me and pay attention to me in all the wrong ways. i am truly sorry. i drove you to find sympathy and a listening ear from a stranger and honestly i deserved it. memang padan muke aku. i am embarrassed towards that stranger because she knows that i was so bad at loving you until i drove you into her arms. i learned my lesson the hard way this weekend. i do not want to make mistakes again. i want to be a good girlfriend to you. i want to be the person who loves you, not the person who shows you hate by being impatient/desperate for attention/demanding/petty. i know you can find many girlfriends like that anywhere, you've told me countless times. i don't want to lose you because i'm not good enough. i want to be better than anyone else at loving you. i want to be good enough. i want to deserve you. i'm sorry for everything. i hope that you forgive me. we're starting on a clean slate now. let's put this behind us and look forward from now on.

____

Since then they have been seeing each other. And somehow in that short time she has shown him that she can love him more than I ever can. Last night, I found out on my own because he wasn't brave enough or as he put it "take sampai hati" to tell me. I tried to ask him for another chance but he insists that it's too late and his heart has totally changed, be it because of her or because he really can't find a way to forgive me, I will never know. It was my grave mistake that finally drove him too far away from me, and it's too late for me to do anything. I accept my fate.

Some might say that it's unfair that he left me for this one mistake. It's not like I cheated on him, or fell out of love for him. But I know him and I know that there's no bigger dosa that anyone he loves can do to him except what I did. I know this, which is why I have to accept the consequences of my sins towards him.

I hope that whoever is reading this will learn from my mistake also. If you find someone who loves you for who you are, they have spent their effort, time and money, they have sacrificed for you, they have been everything good to you... Treasure them will all your heart. Appreciate them for everything that they are. Be grateful and know that you're lucky to find that person. I believe that my mistake was exactly that. That at one point of time I was too stupid to appreciate his love, and that is the only regret I have in my 21 years.

For now, I will need to slowly fix myself with the love and support of my family and friends. He was The One for me, my soulmate, my jodoh. My heart is will always be with him. I will serahkan pada Tuhan, as jodoh hanya di tanganNya.

To all, please know that we are over and please understand that I don't want to know anything about them because it will hurt me. If you see them together outside, please understand. I will forever live in regret, but life goes on for me as it so clearly and easily does for him. I wish you all the best, Danial.

Bust Your Windows - Jazmine Sullivan

I bust the windows out your car

After I saw you laying next to her

I didn’t wanna but I took my turn

I’m glad I did it cuz you had to learn

I must admit it helped a little bit

To think of how you'd feel when you saw it

I didn’t know that I had that much strength

But I’m glad you see what happens when

You see you cant just play with people's feelings

Tell them you love them and don’t mean it

You’ll probably say that it was juvenile

But I think that I deserve to smile

Bust the windows out your car

But it don't come back to my broken heart

You could never feel how I felt that day

Until it happens baby you don’t know pain

You broke my heart so I broke your car

You caused me pain so I did the same

Even though what you did to me was much worse

Oh but why am I still crying

Why am I the one who’s still crying

You really hurt me baby

Really, really hurt me baby

___________

Don't tempt me. Wait I fanatic.

Cheh. Bedek lah. You know I won't. I just can't. I'm not like you. It won't be that easy for me. Oh wellzz. The past few were absolute shit for me but here's hoping this weekend will be awesomous.

Chiahs!

How can I explain
Whatever happened here never meant to hurt you
How can I cause you so much pain

When I say I’m sorry
Will you believe me
Listen to my story
Say you won’t leave me
When I say I’m sorry
Can you forgive me
When I say I will always be there
Will you believe, will you believe in me

All the words that I come up with
They’re like gasoline on flames
There’s no excuse, no explanation
Believe me if I could undo what I did wrong
I’d give away all that I own

When I say I’m sorry
Will you believe me
Listen to my story
Say you won’t leave me
When I say I’m sorry
Can you forgive me
When I say I will always be there
Will you believe

If I told you I’ve been cleanin’ my soul
And If I promise you I’ll regain control
Will you open your door
And let me in take me for who I am
And not for who I’ve been

When I say I’m sorry
Will you believe me
Listen to my story
Say you won’t leave me
When I say I’m sorry
Can you forgive me
When I say I will always be there
Will you believe
_______________________

Don't give up on me.

so this is will serve as a remembrance of the traumatic weekend that i had. it was one big "amek kau obat!!!". memang padan muke aku. this is not to panjangkan crite. this is a small reminder to myself about everything that has happened, for the sake of our future. i was so close to losing you. i drove you away. i'm sorry for everything. once again, i promise to be better. i love you.

THIS VIDEO CONTAINS SPOILER (abit).

suspek kuat Megan Fox is a Decepticon fuckin with our minds. quote from the movie: "my low self-esteem is at an all-time high". am on brink of jumping down after watching her, seriously. tf2 rocks though go catch it, it's just like the first one except abit more action. storyline tak tally langsung but jadi lah. i did notice that when i was getting abit tired from the robot gado2 meletup sane sini, they purposely cut to a shot of her running/screaming with her boobies bouncing and that kinda helped. despite this, dan nodded off at various intervals (he sucks lah k) but i'm glad we did this, however rarely. ok da bye

This is the most nabeh cibai song in the world right now.

There are times when I hate you

But I don’t complain

Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you

I’m happy to say

That I will be there at the end of the day

Yyayyay it's Friday but I'm sick.

Karen: *cough cough*

Regina: Boo, you whore!

Cady: Well... there must be something you're good at
Karen: I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Wanna see?

Karen: Well... I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.

Cady: What do you mean?

Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain. Cady: Really? That's amazing.

Karen: Well... they can tell when it's raining.

Gretchen: That is so FETCH!

Regina: Stop trying to make FETCH happen! It WONT happen!

Mean Girls 2 currently in production! I know, right?

k da bye.

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